Chloe Alverson ‘17- Makeup is false advertising. Clearly, those who wear makeup want to trick others into thinking that they are better looking than they actually are. Those liars, with their perfectly arched eyebrows and their perfectly rosy cheeks. It’s not fair that makeup is so deceiving.
I just passed a girl in the hallway with golden eyelids. She had me fooled up until she told me the brand of her eyeshadow. I thought that her eyelids really were gold! My whole life, I’ve thought that girls with cat eyes, really were part cat. Get this: those who wing their eyeliner can’t actually fly away with their wings. Is nothing sacred?!
Adding to my confusion with eye makeup, I don’t understand the concept of applying black tar or some other colored tar onto your eyelashes. How stupid must one be to think that they are fooling people with their blue eyelashes? Your lashes look like sad attempt at Twiggy’s signature doe-eyed look. Stop trying to fool us, you’re not Twiggy. (For those of you who don’t know the iconic model, Google search her now).
Contouring and highlighting is the biggest deception of them all. Is her face glowing? Does she really have the cheekbones of Angelina Jolie? Only after spending forty dollars on a contouring kit from Sephora and watching approximately 100 YouTube tutorials.
Did you know that Cupid’s bows weren’t dropped down from baby Cupid himself? And the most natural-looking Kardashian-Jenner hybrid, Kylie, is now trying to convince people that her lips went from paper thin to the angel fish from Shark Tale’s lips overnight. Must’ve been a really advanced lip plumper. (For those of you who don’t know the iconic Kardashian-Jenner hybrid, Google search her now).
These makeup-wearing liars are trying to fool people. The makeup industry is stalking ugly people and making them their prey. These people need to STOP playing this sick game. Moral of the story: on the first date, take him/her swimming.